The Reason for Shadows

I used to be able to see beauty in this world. Now I feel like there's no point in asking what the hell happened.

No one claims to know. I don't know either. What the hell did happen? What happened to make people do such stupid things that they know will have adverse effects on others?

Others like me. Like Kris. Like Ari. Like us.

Kris and Ari are just one year younger than me each. We're not even related. But we share something. Something like a bond. I guess that's why I feel like they're my own sisters, maybe even daughters. They're special to me. Not a lot of people are special to me. In fact, they may be the only two. That's kind of sad.

So be it.

People hear the name "Sorius" and jump to the conclusions they know from first sight. They say stuff like "Sorius? Oh, you mean that quiet guy" or "He's that mean-faced dude" or even "Who's Sorius?" No one knows why I carry a demeanor relative to spitefulness or hatred or dislike toward everyone. But it's not like it's any of their business. I've been through stuff that made me that way. No one really needs to know. Just me. Kris and Ari know by default. They know what happened.

What happened to them. What it did to me. I still have nightmares.

Both Kris and Ari came into my life rather hard. Basically, when I first met them, I saved their lives. I saved their lives and risked mine. Well, not necessarily my life. More like my sanity. What I saw that day will follow me around 'til I die. And whether I go to the Promised Land or down to the ocean of fire, still it will haunt me. I think Kris and Ari should be more traumatized than I, seeing as how they were the victims of…

It's still hard to mention it.

But I look up to them. Yeah, that's right. They were the ones who endured the horrors, yet for some reason they walk about their lives as if they coasted through their teenage years with no problems. Well, I'm not too sure about Ari. She seems more distant than Kris. Still, she's doing better than me; I'm struck with some sort of permanent depression and trauma that makes people think I'm some lonely neurotic spaz. It's the reason why I think those two girls are stronger than me. I mean, the words don't ring in their heads every night.

"How long do you think you can keep them safe?"

How long, huh? I'll tell you how long. As long as it takes.

I plan to be the guardian of Kris and Ari for as long as it takes. Or at least for as long as I can last. I'm stronger now; I've willed myself and my state of existence to the point where I can take bullets and not even flinch. But that means nothing if my sanity shatters before that. I fear that I could go crazy if I think about what I saw.

The fluorescent lights. Double-door after double-door. The men in lab coats. The numerous rooms labeled "Test Site" followed by a number. Test Sites 67 and 69. 67 and 69. 67 and 69.

…67 and 69.

"How long do you think you can keep them safe?"

I wish he'd stop asking me that every night.

Test Site 67. I didn't know what I was doing there. It was just some big building planted in the middle of nowhere and it piqued my curiosity when a friend and I came across it. Test Site 67 was a small house-like structure next to the building, so we figured it had a bathroom. In we went.

The doors closed behind us and I never saw my friend again.

Sirens went off. Voices intensified. Someone grabbed my arm. My natural reaction was to break free and bolt off. I didn't even see who grabbed me; fear flooded my eyes. That's probably why I didn't see myself burst through all those double-doors. Or the ones at the end of the hall.

The ones at the end of the hall that led me to meet Ari.

What I saw was atrocious. There were so many wires, pipes, and tendrils. All going throughout her body. She looked like a pin doll. Just hanging from the center of the room. I just stared. I didn't realize that my mouth was open and I stopped breathing. I also didn't notice him.

The man I hear at night.

He turned around and saw me. I started breathing again. My breaths were short cries. He, for some sick reason, smiled.

"Are you the errand boy? Do you have what I asked for?"

I couldn't speak. What the hell would I say? I stood there petrified as the man just stared me down, expecting something. The silence soon broke.

"H-help… help… me… p-please…"

It was Ari.

"She's still speaking. Boy, we're going to need to administer the drug now, so if you would just-"

"H-HELP ME PLEASE!!"

"Shut up, you wench!"

What did I do? What I felt at the time. I spoke up.

"Let her go!"

The man must've realized that I wasn't his expected errand boy. "You… you don't work here, do you? You're an intruder!"

"What are you doing to her?!"

"Nothing that concerns you! Now get out and forget what you've seen!"

Ari started crying. Her crying was heart-crushing, as if she felt the pain of having her very spirit ripped from her being. I couldn't take it; I vomited a little. Then I vomited a lot. Then the tears came.

Then she came.

From behind me came a girl that looked as old as the girl hanging from the many cords and wires. She wore half a straightjacket and was being chased by men in white lab coats. She had a gun.

Kris had a gun.

"What is the meaning of this?!" the man yelled.

Kris brandished her gun at the men chasing her, halting them at the front of the room. She then turned her gun on me.

"Let my sister go now!" Kris screamed. "I've already shot six of those other freaks! I will shoot you, too!"

"W-wait, I don't… I'm not doing this!"

"Bullshit! You're all liars!"

"Number 69, get back to Test Site 69 or be shot!" the man yelled, pulling out his own gun.

She jammed the gun up to my head. "Give me your gun!"

"I told you I'm not doing this! I don't have a gun!"

Kris looked at me. It was like she looked into me. And somehow, and luckily, she knew I wasn't lying.

"…Then help me save my sister. Or you die with the rest of them."

Couldn't argue with that.

From out of the straightjacket's rips she pulled out another gun. A machinegun pistol. One hand held the handgun pointed at the mysterious man while the other pulled the trigger of the machine gun. Bullets sprayed at the men at the door in all directions, sending a red rain of blood flying down to the floor. I watched and felt awed and afraid at the same time. Kris was a killing machine.

Not anymore, of course.

After the men at the door all fell to their death, Kris handed me a gun and walked up to the man at the center of the room. She stared at him. I stared at her sister Ari. Her crying ceased and her eyes were closed.

"Let her go, Doctor."

"I can't just do that."

"This isn't human! You have to let us go!"

"I can't let you go now. Your sister Number 67 is making so much progress. You, on the other hand, failed miserably. You can be disposed of now. Along with this boy who apparently has seen too much."

"If you don't let her go-"

"You'll do what? Kill me? I have a gun as well, 69. I could kill you just as easily as you could kill me. Then your sister will remain hanging from this ceiling and there will be no hope for her."

I thought that was just cold. I think I got mad.

"Do you think this ignorant boy could be her savior? What can he do? Just look at him. His frightened face is the equivalent to the fear of this world. The world is so feeble and it makes me sick. All of you make me sick. The only good thing about you is that you're expendable."

Okay, I got mad when he said that.

"You don't deserve to live. Humans are so ungrateful. You're ungrateful, 69. And now I'm going to-"

I didn't think. I didn't blink. I just acted. With the gun Kris gave me, I shot the Doctor. Kris didn't even react to what I did; she quickly ducked behind the doctor to the control panel below Ari. I stared at the Doctor as he slumped to the floor clutching his chest. A loud beeping noise rang throughout the room and from behind the Doctor I saw Ari fall to the floor in a slump, Kris catching her halfway.

"You… you are nothing, boy…"

"Maybe."

"We will… find them again. Th-there's nothing you can do."

"Yes there is." Kris limped to me with Ari unconscious on her back. I stood in front of her. "I can protect them."

I directed Kris to the door and carried Ari on my back instead. Her naked body leaked blood on my clothes but I didn't care. We walked away from the Doctor and his nightmare contraption. The last thing I heard him say stopped me in my tracks.

"How long do you think you can keep them safe?..." After that I heard his body collapse to the ground. I paid no mind; I left with Kris and Ari and never looked back.

I've never left their side since then. It's because I've come to love them as if they were my own. Like sisters or daughters, it didn't matter. I want to be their guardian. Not because I have to, but because I really want to.

But sometimes I wonder if I've never left them because I'm afraid that the Doctor will return…